The News For 2001


This is the last news update for 2001. Merry Christmas, Happy Channukah, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy New Year; whatever you've got, have a happy or merry one. I'm gonna' go drink a lot and get laid before 2002. Have a nice day. :)


Apart from my family trying to poison me, my Thanksgiving was more or less trivial. I dislike these type of holidays though. "What are you thankful for, Cody?"
"Go fuck yourself. I'm thankful I gave your dog AIDS. How's that?" Anyway, I hafta go. My cat's on fire. Byeeeeee.


The United States has put into consideration making "God Bless America" our National Hymn. For a bit more background information on this, head over to the "Religion and Philosophy" section or go to: http://www.atheists.org/action/alert-13-nov-2001.html



Howdy folks. I've just recently finished writing "20 Lbs. Part 2- Lights in a Box" and seem to be fairly proud of how it turned out. I spent a lot of time trying to get around it and not finish, but now it's finally done and ready for donwloading in the "Cracker Prod." section of the site as well as an updated draft of "20 Lbs. Part 1." Anywho, I have to go listen to a new Eazy-E C.D. I just bought. Bye folks.


For those of you Eazy-E fans out there, good news. The Eazy-E DVD hits store shelves on Novemeber 13th. And I'll be first in line at my local mall to get one. You will also see me sleeping at the check-out line at Suncoast Videos the night before "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" comes out on DVD on February 12th of next year. Now... All I need is some money...


As many of you may know, (see recent signatures to guestbook) I have recently been busted for weed. It's a long, boring story but the excitememnt over it has calmed down a great deal and I'm allowed on the net again! But, since when God closes doors, he opens windows, and I'm an atheist, he will undoubtedly turn me being allowed on the net again into me getting busted for pornography. On another note, I'm looking into Buddhism. Seems really interesting. Anywho, I've gotta go get rid of all of my pornography. Hey, Court, squeaky squeaky!


First of all, I've added some of my songs in the "Songs" category. Clever, huh? I'll try to do more later. Also, I've seen Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back 4 times in the theater and managed to download it on the net. And I'd like to say that I am shocked and saddened by this recent attack on The U.S. of A. I would like to say that I have purchased a t-shirt (People are always trying to capitalize on tragedy, huh?) with a picture of a pissed off Uncle Sam that syas, "Big Mistake, Assholes." to show how I feel about all of this. If you're religious, please pray to whatever God you call your own and give your prayers for the victims families and the United States and hope we can come to a peaceful end for this war on terrorism. Except for with the Taliban Ossama Bin Laden or however the Hell it's spelled. If you see him, shove a broken stick up his ass. And for those of you who know the teachings of Nostradomas, this sure sucks, huh?


Hello, my children. Interesting piece of news: Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back! hit theaters the 24th but since I was moving and all that shit, and I don't have a car of my own, I was unable to get a ride and see every showing on the first day. But I did see it last night with my bud James dressed as Jay & Silent Bob. Good times. But unfortunately, we missed the first couple minutes of it.
anyway, that sucked ass. But I'm seeing it again tomorrow. And I'll try to add some more photos and other goodies as soon as possible. Maybe a few of my horrible imitations of Hannibal Lecter, Jimmy Stewart, Jim Morrison, George Bush Sr., and the other voices I attempt, without much success, to mock. But for now, I'm listening to The Doors and must go. See you all later. Bah.


Hey, folks. Sorry I haven't updated lately but the people who run my ISP are total assholes and if not by my hands, they will die someday soon by someone's. As soon as I can pay them to continue the shitty internet service they give me, I will add some video files for you to view of myself. Pretty neat stuff. I have two of me acting like Jay from the View Askew movies and I'll try to add some more later. Well, I have to go. I'm in an office at the business my grampy owns at 4:30 in the morning so i could e-mail... someone. Wink wink. nudge nudge. You know who you are. Lol. Anywho, I also wanted to update my site. So I added this new entry and am going to work on where I'm going to put my video files and whatnot ahead of time so I can just load 'em up when the time comes to add them to the site. Hugs, peace, and chicken grease. Love you all. Byeeee.


I found some funny ass website put out by some weird nut Jesus freaks. I'm putting a link to it here and also in in the Links section. http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/6608/keanu.html#update
Also, I have a new word. "Weird-nut." You have to say it like it's one complete word though. Or else it won't sound right. Anyway, it's my new word. Buh bye now. Thank you.

Hey, all you crazy cats out there in radio land. This is your d.j., Viagra Cracker. Howdy, folks. I'm just hanging out here at my pallatial home reading "Fletch's Moxie" and thought I'd do an update. I've added a few pictures but not much else. Sorry, to not have a proper closing remark but I gotta go. Bye now.


Hey, sorry I haven't updated in like, forever, but I've been busy. As you might have read, some fucker took pictures of me asleep with a boner and planted a picture of Justin Timberlake on me to boot. Also, just finished writing a new comedy about weed. James, a bastard friend of mine, helped me write around twenty of the eighty-two (current draft) pages of it and a couple other friends helped me with some ideas. You can read more about it (and the planned sequels to it) in the movies section. But for now, I'm watching Shaft (original one) on DVD so I gotta' go. Bye-eeeeeeee.


Oliver Stone made a movie about 'em. Bruce McCulloch has a song about 'em. Their are hundreds of webpages out there just for The Doors. Tell me they aren't totally bad ass.


I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but The Doors are the fucking bomb. Just thought I'd mention that.


Hey, guys. How are you? Good. Glad to hear it. Me? I'm okay. I feel like i haven't updated this site in ages. So, I'm gonna' do it now. I'm adding a new feauture called Religion and Philosophy. If you're a close minded Christian, I don't recommend you look at it. Well, I must go now. Bye bye.


For those of you who don't know, John Hughes is a film writer/director. All of his movies take place in a town called Shermer, Illinois. And in this town, all the dude's are whiney pussies ('Cept for Judd Nelson. He was fuckin' harsh.) Plus, no one is dealing in Shermer. So it hits my friend James and I, we could live like phat rats if we were the blunt connection in Shermer. So this summer, we're taking a bus to Chi-town and then taking a taxi to Shermer. And, we're taping the entire thing. So I'll try to keep you guys updated if I can through the trip. If not, I'll tell you everything when I get back. We're leaving in June probably. But for current events, my birthday is tomorrow and I will be ** years old. Don't worry. You don't have to get me anything. ; ) Well, anyywho, I gotta' bounce. Bye-eeeeeee.


Well, we've only got a few of the scenes filmed but they're pretty damn good. We have nearly all of the Viagramobile scenes filmed and a few others. It should be pretty good when it's done. Hopefully. I beefed up the script and we've even added a few things during the film. (I assume the movie will be full of improvisation) So, we're going to have to have everyone come back sometime later this week to get more of it filmed. But, I'm excited by the possibilities at what could happen after this is made. I'm hoping atomfilms.com will show it on their site. But, if not, we are SO fucked. I'll check into some short film festivals later tonight on the net. Well, I'll keep you uys updated. Have a nice day. Remember that Darwin loves you! Bye-eeeee.


Very important update. We're filming most of the first movie next weekend. Friday and Saturday. I just finished a new draft of the script and it's good. It's really good. I'm very happy with it. I've added many more jokes as well as a couple of songs that a couple of the cast members and I will perform for the movie. I've also added a brand new character that I think will make this a lot more like a spy movie. Even if it is a spoof. The new character is a female spy for Mr. Naughty sent to "get close" to Viagra in order to find out about his progress in finding him, etc. And she has to consider her loyalties to Mr. Naughty and All Naughty Things Inc. Read more in the "My Movies" section.


Hello, all. I thought that I'd bring up something. I might be moving the website to a different location. It involves this big elaborate scheme of mine that involves my mother's credit card. Snootch to the Noonch! Nugga Noonch! (For those of you who don't know, "Snootch to the Noonch!" is short for "Snootchie Bootchie Noonchies!") Snoogans. Well, I gotta' go now. Bye-eeeee. P.S.- Hello, my bestestest friend Sara!


Well, it's technically March 15th. 12:23 A.M. to be exact. I'm kinda' bored so I thought I'd do a news update. I'm watching "A Fish Called Wanda" with John Cleese, Michael Palin, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Kevin Cline. Totally bitchin' funny movie. If you have the means, I highly recommend you see it. You may remember the names John Cleese and Michael Palin from the Britain based comedy troupe named Monty Python. Also, totally bitchin' funny shit. It's now 12:28 as I am writing. I'm only half paying attention to this though. Last thing, please keep in mind that this site is all in the name of fun. It's supposed to be funny. Like a bad comedy flick. My site is "The Silence of the Hams" of all websites. Well, now that I've brought it up, I'd also recommend that you rent "The Silence of the Hams". Anywho, that's all for now.


New update: Is anyone out there reading the news updates? Nobody seems to or says they have. Just thought I'd bring that up. Newer New Update: My friend Matt Boggs has a newsletter thingy he's sending out with various news events either not shown in the News or crimes pulled by extremely stupid people. To sign up for it, e-mail him at matt424801@aol.com and ask specifically to join his newsletter. Thankee.


Sorry I haven't done anything new lately. I've been busy. First of all though, I'd like to say that I'm really lonely and don't have a girlfriend. If you're interested, e-mail me at v_cracker@yahoo.com. Snootchie Bootchies. And next, I have added a few sound clips from my movies under the aptly named "My Movies" sections. K? Also, I just finished reading "Fletch Won" and have just started "Fletch, Too". They're both really good. You may have seen the "Fletch" movies with Chevy Chase. The books, however are as hard as hell to find. I had to go to the library and just ordered a few from www.half.com. I highly recommend you read them. Snoogans.


Hello, little ones. I haven't been able to supply you all with new downloads because SOMEBODY won't pay the bill to the ISP. I won't say any names. You know who you are. So anyway, I've been updating on a different computer. But rest assured, the people or person responsible for not paying the bill will be bagged and then forced to pay the bill or else they will be bagged continuously until they lose all hope and start a chitlen farm. Chitlen's are mean little devils, but their coats are worth a fortune is what they will start to think. And all of this information regarding their could be chitlen fascination will be given to them prior to the bagging and then if they still do not cooperate, I will be able to laugh, do a little song and/or dance number, and announce that they had brought it upon themselves, and I had told them so. So they should not complain to me but should have completed the appropriate actions at the appropriate times so the bagging and irreversible, utterly unnecessary mind job would not have taken place. I know. I am completely EVIL. :P


I would like to apologize for yesterdays update. I was very lonely and depressed and I hadn't slept for a few days. Lately I've been drinking a lot of Nyquil and crying myself to sleep in the corner. You know how it is. It's happened to you, yes?
Anyway, I'm making a few changes to the site. As you can tell, I've been doing regular news updates with various things happening with the site, and as soon as some interesting news or horrible freak accident happens, I'll be the first to have the distaste to make fun of it. Also, I'm adding new downloads and moving my guest book to a spot where it will be more noticeable. Thank you for your time.


I've been informed that one of the reasons my guest book hasn't been signed is because of it's location. No one has seen it. You see, when you tell me that, what I'm hearing is, Viagra, I'M JUST TOO GOD DAMNED LAZY TO OPEN UP MY FUCKING EYES TO LOOK FOR THE MOTHER FUCKING GUEST BOOK!!!!
I'm sorry. I over-reacted to the situation and I owe you an ammends. What I did was immature and childish and I apologize for being so belligerent to you, the people that I love. I... LOVE... YOU! LIKE NO ONE LOVES YOU! EVERYONE ELSE ONLY WANTS YOU FOR YOUR BODIES! BUT I LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE! COME HERE AND GIVE ME A HUG! IT'S OKAY. NO ONE WILL HURT YOU EVER AGAIN. THEY BETTER NOT. OR ELSE THEY'LL HAVE TO DEAL TO ME. AND THAT'S THE LAST THING THEY WANT. TO HURT MY BABIES LIKE THAT.


As you can see by the counter, some people (and I won't say any names partly because I don't know who they are) haven't been signing my guest book. Now, do I look retarded to you? Do you think I go through all this crap with getting a guest book just so it can sit there and remained unsigned? Is that what you think? Well, that's not what I put it there for. It's there for a reason. And that reason is... if I have a guest book... you sign it... because that shows... you've... been to my site... and stuff. Is that clear enough? I've put it in plain English. You're all just sitting there looking like I've been writing in Portugese this whole time. You can go over to Yahoo! or Napster and sign their guest book but you can't sign mine? Is that how it is? Yeah, I know Yahoo! and Napster don't have a guest book I'm just using that as an example. Like every analogy has to be perfect. Sheesh.

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